Generally, I want to slap... people. Groups of people. I'm more fond of blanket slaps than just backhanding individuals. However, now and then, a particular person will step into the "please slap me personally" spotlight and I often have to flood my mind with thoughts of jail to keep myself from reconstructing the fucker's face.
Not long ago, I was sitting in the Department of Human Services. "Why were you at the DHS, 2?" Well, to put this questions behind me, I was there to apply for food stamps. I'm an exceedingly impoverished gryphon and that puts a big dent in some of my fondest activities... like eating.
So, here I sit, waiting to be seen by a social worker. It's 9am, and the room looks like the DMV for the cast of The Road Warrior. It's filled with people who haven't had showered in weeks. Mothers with too many kids who have little to no clothing on. Bums wrapped in layers of greasy sweat shirts. Mexican farm workers who didn't realize they'd be out of a job come winter.
The people are waiting in lines and filling out government forms thicker than War And Peace. Some of them have already been there for an hour and will be there for hours more, waiting and hoping they don't miss the tiniest detail in the gauntlet of government hoops you have to jump through to get assistance, lest they be sent all the way back to the beginning to do it again.
Now, enter the prissy bitch.
She is one of the social workers there, apparently coming in to go to work. Most of the social workers who've already come in hustled quickly through the waiting room and in through a combination locked door in the back so they wouldn't have to look at the dregs of society for too long. But this woman walks into the middle of the room. She stops and looks around for a moment.
"Good morning," she says.
No response from anyone.
Now the woman puts her hands high on her hips and, speaking as though she's an actor on a child's educational program, she says, "I didn't hear many good mornings in here!" Her tone was downright jolly.
Now, am I wrong in wanting to slap this bitch through the wall? She was talking to homeless people who haven't had a meal in days. Mothers with children who don't have heat or electricity. College students who are supporting themselves on paper routes. People who've been sent around and around in circles, from one office to another to another, riding buses, walking in the cold with no shoes, eating out of garbage cans just to wind up in this waiting room at 9 o'clock in the fucking morning.
And this cunt with her coffee mug, cozy office and nice government job with benefits is gonna get condescending because the people in this room didn't smile and send her back a chipper "good morning!"
I just wanted to yell at the bitch, "These people are not HAVING a good morning, you shitwit! They probably can't even remember the last good morning they had! They're not HERE to have a good morning. They don't CARE if you wish them a good morning. They're here because they're fucking STARVING! All they want is for you to do your fucking job and help them get food so they can get out of this God forsaken place and back to whatever little cozy cardboard box they've found to sleep in as soon as possible and forget that you ever fucking existed!"
I dunno. Maybe it's just me. But that's how I felt.